Been a bit

I have ideas. Ideas that I like, am proud of, and hopefully will act on.

Im gonna start makin notes and here and there doing shitty little sketches. And I mean shitty.

Im not proud of my art, as a matter of fact, I HATE IT. But if it means I have to put more work, well, I didnt get this far and am still alive, why not try harder?

Music is gonna be good too. Im excited for it.

Right now, as much as I think Im ready, that my heart is ready, my entire being, I dont think I wanna try to pursue women for a while. Its too much stress on me, and I need this full time that I better get.

I know all my friends have my back, but I dont know if I can keep my cool. I have good patience, but thats for everyone else, not myself. If I cant get something to be good, I give up. Maybe its time I change that.

I still am pissed that I need to have a fucking computer in front of me to draw right. I need to look at some of my old how to books for comics, animation, and realistic drawing.

Heres to trying and failing miserably.

Update

Poppin back in.

Temporarily giving up on love to be a good friend to some of mine that need it.

Gamin nonstop.

Working a metric fuckton.

Writing.

And oh yeah, being me :]

Failure

I have finally accepted myself as a failure. Not at everything, despite what I choose to think about myself, but in art.

I was at work on break the other day, and I sat there with my sketchbook, ready with ideas flowing, creative juices doing thier thing. But nothing came out. Not a line.

As I went back on register, and had done my tasks for the night, I grabbed a small piece of trash paper and tried to draw something. The second I saw this was nothing what the original picture, in my head or how it was originally drawn, looked like, I tore it to shreds and threw it away.

I cant draw a single good looking thing without having some sort of reference in front of me.

This means computer, book, comic, etc. Cant do anything by memory alone and not let it look like a 6 year old drew it.

This realization at first infuriated me (in addition to having a shitty day at work, literally, mopping shit up with only one coworker who's always a kind woman to say thank you) but then depressed me.

I remember a comic then, and how one character had a tiny little netbook. Maybe I could get one and bring it with me, to use for drawing, have tons of refs on it, wifi, etc.

Idk, but Im writing an ep/album/whatever about my failures and its frustrations.

Also, I hate my job. The people there are miserable now, Im prolly up for a firing, and excluding a few of my friends, most of the store hates me.

So much hate going on right now, in addition to my own shitty luck with women, I find out numerous things regarding my friends, and how my allegiance was tested by World Whore.

First off, heres a few things we need to establish.

1-NEVER question my loyalty to my friends. EVER. You will regret it.

2-Dont you ever fucking say you are innocent. You're not. We're ALL guilty of something. I own up to it. I admit when Im wrong. You say all this shit about someone you used to be friends with and then just run away from me, youre a fucking joke.

Ugh, rant over, fuck the world, the whores, the world whore, and life in general.

Long shift tomorrow, maybe take my mind off of things.

Or make it worse.

Dropping Like Flies

Now I know Hollywood likes to jump on the bandwagon when it comes to fads, but I didnt know death was one of them.

So this week we got Paul Gray, Gary Coleman, and who's next? We got kind, creative and talented people, yet that old cocksucker from westboro is still kicking? This further makes me less and less faithful in everything I believe.

Also, work sucks, Red Dead Redemption is amazing, and I have been trying to write, but each time I force myself to, it comes out cheesy and shitty, and I cant just force a good writing, I need it to come naturally, like a few of my favorites have. Maybe I can tap into next weeks stress. Eh, whatever.

Fuck You.

Mishuku

For those who dont know her, she's an artist who's forged her own style of art and unique take on it, using many different and new techniques, styles, and fashions.

She's making a graphic novel. I havent started a full sketch. That says something.

Time for my stupid ass to stop slacking off and do something. I have potential, but no motivation, and I cant get better and be a great artist if I dont practice. I mean, I been an art fan on DA of her and many other amazing artists for years, and they've always improved, except me.

Time to get on that shit. I wont slack off, I'll do my best, and fucking show people I can use my unique take on, everything really, to make a great comic.

New project

Haha, I used to have a million and one ideas for graphic novels/mangas, but never wanted to do the work cuz my stuff wasn't as good as the other shit you see in stores. But I realized I dont need to do fucking shit like everyone else, I do my own shit.

Also, I wanted to be a voice actor and get a dvd, but this new idea will combine them both.

Im still fleshing out the details and sketching stick drawings to lay the foundation, but I definately wanna get this shit going soon.

But yeah, other than that, had a fucking shitty week, then a better one. Blasting Periphery and Freaknik the soundtrack.

Updates about this thing soon.

Yoji Shinkawa

He's the lead concept artist for Metal Gear Solid. Other than the artists from Games Workshop who draw the awesome stuff in the codexes etc, this is the type of unique style of art I'd one day like to be able to pull off.

Deviant Art Premium

So I came on (Im always logged in) and saw this.^

Now, who would actually spend money on me to make me a premium member?

I have this until July 4th now. Then back to normal. Whoever did it, thanks.

I used to want one, but that was when I was sitting on, what I thought of, was a treasure trove of awesome sht to post. Now, I have maybe 9 short poems I could submit as 1 thing, and no art.

Thanks to whoever spent money on me, I'll try and use it and post more.