Round 2 for Venting

First off, this isnt about the girl I work with, or the other girl who works at a diff store, this is about all the bullshit I have to put up with and the fact that words are the only safe way for me to vent.

No one Im friends with is best friends with anyone else. Everyone hates each other. Fuck you all for not getting along for the sake of friendship and kindness.

Next up, I definately hate my boss. I went in to see if I started my shift at 5 or 530, and saw she had hand written me to work thursday. This was after I had asked her if this was the completed schedule and she said yes. So not only did she schedule me for a day I wasnt supposed to work, NO ONE FUCKING TOLD ME!

Tomorrow Im going to be having some words with her, and will not be showing up thurs, if at all if I get fired.

I hate how people bitch at me cuz I smoke. I FUCKING SMOKE AND DRINK SO FUCKING WHAT?! I dont bitch at anyone else cuz of thier weight, sex, whorishness, religion, what band they like, etc. I taught myself to live and let live.

I know smoking doesnt calm really, but it helps take my mind off of things, relax.

Yknow why Im always a miserable shit? I have so much pressure on me. I need to get a new car, figure out how to do my own banking and taxes, eventually move out, etc. In addition I dont have a career. Im too fucking stupid to be a teacher, Im not a good artist or musician. I have NOTHING! Im just a fuckin guy who does shit to get by. I need to make more money.

I asked one of my bosses what the qualifications to be put into petcare, which has more hours and better stuff. After listing them off, she turned around and said oh, and retention of knowledge, aka, you dont stand a fucking chance of getting that job.

So Im gonna be stuck as a fucking cashier in that place until I get fired or quit.

I love my job, and I love all the people I work with, but goddamn, you people assume you know me.

The other day when work was mad shitty and I was so busy I wanted to cry, my foot started hurting, causing me to limp. Now, Ive had foot problems since I was 11, and I get serious foot cramps which make me sit and massage my foot or my entire leg ends up cramping. In addition to this, my 3 sprained fingers are still acting up, and Im pretty sure I did something to my rotator cuff, which scares the shit out of me since my dads been through that shit and he hasnt been the same since.

So anyway, one of the girls in petcare said oh reg quit fucking faking it in front of me and a customer. I told her shouldnt you be bagging fish? I dont fake shit. I dont want sympathy or to have an excuse to not do something, I do all that I can and more. But it worries me that if I did do something to my shoulder or my feet are starting to act up, that I could be out of a job at 21 due to disability. And yes, Im assuming the worst, as that is usually the case.

I hate that everyone has such negative shit to say about everyone. I may have my dislikes of people, but I bitch and then let it go, cuz we're only fucking human.

I hate how people rarely talk to me outside my job. When I got introduced to everyone, that makes them a friend, not a coworker only.

I dunno, so much shit has gone on lately, I need to relax and take a vaca out of state.

We'll see tomorrow if Im gonna be employed or not to permit this.

Fuck It.

Since I know no one reads this fuckin thing, I can fuckin vent.

I have a HUGE fuckin crush on a girl at my work, and it drives me fuckin insane since I know she thinks im a fuckin creep, and I found out she likes someone else we work with, which could be fuckin anyone since shes bi. Goddamn I hate not knowing what to say or do. I try to get to know people, be a nice person, hell, even help people out, and nothing seems to at least get them to say, hey, this kids a nice guy. I mean, if I knew she wasnt interested in me at all and told me, Id get the fuck over it at least and ask if her and her friends wanted to just hang and grab a beer.

But I figure I have a chance, when I know in the tiniest part of the back of my head that she prolly knows someone who's friends with one of my ex's and was told all this bullshit that isnt true. Ive had a couple good friends from work tell me to look for someone else, but its not that simple for me. I have strange tastes, and its hard for me to find someone I actually like. I mean, most of my friends asked me how much meth i had to smoke after seeing my exs.

Finding someone who I like isnt as fucking easy as most people. I dont like those fuckin spoiled fucks, I dont like drama queens who think theyre the shit, and I HATE the fucks who have egos. I mean, it was fuckin 4 years since I found the last girl I liked, and she didnt have an interest, she told me straight up, and shes a good friend still. Honesty like that is what I appreciate. I got over it, fast, and shit, I helped hook her up with a job!

Im not like most other guys. They pretend to fuckin be interested in everything, going out of thier way to be the sweetest guy, fuck a girl until they get sick of her or find someone better and fuckin leave. I dont do hookups. I wait. Im a kind person. I always try to take an interest in shit other people like, thats how Ive become such an open and unique person.

Im a nice guy, with some anger issues, some violent thoughts, who loves every type of music out there, has many interests, and who always is kind, honest, and fun loving. Why the fuck cant I even get a fucking chance?

Is it cuz Im too 'real'? I dont censor myself, I dont put on a happy facade to please everyone, I dont agree with shit I honestly hate. Im my own person, I have my own likes and dislikes, Im not gonna be a different person for anyone. Censorship is a cancer.

Is it cuz Im not attractive? I know Im pretty ugly and fucking oddly shaped cuz Im OUT of shape, but Im not someone who wants looks to be perfect, for me or a lady.

Is it some random quirk? I dont fuck cuz I get reallt nervous, I need to get comfy, relax, known, and that can take months. My voice is fucking annoying even to me, so I always try to talk in a low raspy voice since I always think I sound like fozzy bear from the muppets. Im very self conscious about that and the fact that my right foot has to walk facing outward a bit or twisting it straight forward hurts up to my knee.

I have no talent, no skill, trade, intelligence, or anything. Nothing. Im not rich, Im not pretty, Im not sunshine and fucking butterflies. But Im kind. I listen, I care. Nowadays that doesnt mean much, but it means something to me.

Ive made a lot of mistakes in my life, and i have plenty of regrets. But right here, right now, once these fingers stop typing, the weight that has been lifted temporarily from typing this will come crashing on to my busted shoulders, and I will feel like shit, depressed, emotionless, hollow.

Now you know a bit more about me. I hope when you look at me, you see me as the fucking scum I am, and I hope you realize that this scum is better than any of the fucking pieces of shit out there.

Fuck it.

Fahkin Women

Ive never been any good with talking to women. Im as socially awkward as they come.

2 women occupy my mind. I really have no idea how to advance things here.

Fucking shit.

Everyone I Love Will Leave Me

And I will be alone.

My heart has expanded, another girl has joined in the fruitless search for the one to be with.

Each day and night I ponder if Im even a speck worthy of thier glimpse, or if Im nothing more than some guy who they know. My heart beats quickly, then drops as I realize my life is boring and they both have things aplenty to do in thier lives while I sit around nursing hurt feelings and a fucked up foot and shoulder.

I wish they would notice me. Im a sweet person, and I give everyone chances...

Latest

Starcraft 2 rules.

Downloading Superior Drummer 2.0. Programming will no longer be a chore.

Finally inspired to draw. Thank you Kane And Lynch.

Going to be finally doing something.

Music too.

Ill update later, I have much to do today.

Fuck The "Scene"

Today, the shit hit the fan.

2 local promoters were arguing. I stayed quiet cuz it wasnt my business.

However, today, everyone who loves music and local bands was dragged into it.

One promoter, Dave created a fan page of the other promoter, Richie, very childish, and tried to smear his name.

Now, the entire argument was because one so called "christian" band, forever the fallen, wanted thier guarentee, and Richie, whom was not running the show, just advertising, said to talk to the person who ran it.

Now, I usually would stay out of it, but like I said in previous posts, Im sick of sugar-coating things.

Now, Ive been in the local "scene" since I was a junior in high school, thats 2006 for those who didnt know. Ive always tried to be a nice guy, a good helper to bands, helpin them move shit regardless if I was a fan or not, and always let people bum smokes off me.

But today, I lost respect for it all. For the people I thought were better than this, for the fucking bands I thought had thier shit together, and for "local hardcore scene" altogether.

Now, let me say this. Ive taken plenty of screenshots of some of the RETARDED ASS THINGS that people have said today. Mostly the blind following of Im thirsty, New England Concerts, whatever the fuck they are. Apparently, basement shows arent real shows. Well, if thats the case, then The_Network isnt a real band. Black Market Activities, the label theyre signed to, isnt a real label, which makes The Red Chord, who's vocalist runs the label, not a real band, which makes Metal Blade Records, not a real label.

Do you see where Im going with this? A show doesnt have to be about fucking money or respect. Ive played shows for 2 people, and 20 people, and each one I played with my whole heart and have always had a blast.

Next up is the fact that forever the fallen wanted a guarentee. Let me say this.

YOURE A FUCKING LOCAL BAND!

Unless you've gone on tour, unless you have physical cds to sell, not fucking itunes, and unless you have to put hard work into it, then you dont deserve a fucking dime. Apparently, money=faith with this band, since they want money every show. Well, Ive had friends bands, who're much bigger and more well known, play for jack shit, and done it out of the love of playing. You cant demand money and call yourself a christian, then act like a fucking child on facebook. The only reason these fucks play shows is cuz Dave books them on it cuz he manages them, so they dont have to sell tickets or advertise. Thier mommies and daddies pay for thier "christian" band and they get your hard earned money. Ive played shows where I advertised the shit out of it, since I was the only one who GAVE A SHIT! No one else except my buddy Josh Quicksilver helped advertise. I ended up paying out of my own hard earned money from working labor jobs with my buddy who was living in his car at the time to play, and I opened the show to a bunch of drunks and losers. And I had fun. I did what I came there to do, and that was perform. If you have to want money so bad, and threaten people who dont agree with you, when you get onstage, youre lying to people who actually believe in religion. You cant call yourself a good fucking christian band when youre greedy and fucking pompous.

And if you wanna comment how my music sucks, yeah, thats a given, since it was all demos I played with haha.

Anyway, continuing this shit, HiveSmasher and DBB just got back from a long weekend tour, and they dont get paid very much. They arent trying to get on summer slaughter and get signed to fucking relapse and get to sit with jamie fucking jasta, music is what they want to do for a living, theyre trying to make a living.

Now, as for shows themselves, everyone at im thirsty is so quick to spew out lines like WELL IF IT WASNT FOR DAVE ACACIA WOULDNT HAVE PLAYED CUZ THEY ASKED FOR 2 GRAND!

NO SHIT FAGGOT! They've toured internationally, theyve played all over, sold THOUSANDS of albums. If I was in a band that big, and that was ALL i did like they do, Id want to make a living wage off it too.

What pisses me off is how people bitch about tickets. Pay to play sucks dick. Sometimes its a neccesary evil, but when youre selling 30 tickets to a fucking local bands cd release when all theyre doing is putting it on itunes, Id rather eat my weight in poisonous fish. Asking bands for $250 UP FRONT and to sell 75 tickets per band for 5 local bands (thats more than 300 people max limit) someones losing money.

Now, Ive seen plenty of retarded arguments in the scene, but NOTHING has disgusted me more than everything I saw today.

I saw people making valid points, only to be interuppted with YOUR A PUSSY, FIGHT ME!

This scene shit disgusts me. Theres a reason I love grind, I love metal, I love heavy as shit music, because if I didnt have that, today I would have busted a window. Some of the things I read today filled my head with such FUCK that I ended up with a pounding headache.

Promoters, kids who work for em, threatening and acting like little kids to everyone. Its pathetic. Fucking pathetic.

Also, the fact that all the bands that were made fun of at one point had to play at rockos and now theyre dissing them, even though they made them money and fans, is hypocritical at best.

Theres a reason kids dont come to shows. Its not cuz the place looks like shit. You can renovate rockos all you want, the reason the "fans" broke stuff is 1-cuz you book all mosh bands and 2-because you fucking throw people out and gve them shit for wearing a band who you have a beef withs merch, so they decide to fuck things up. Thats the reason rockos is bound for failure, is because you cant just let shit go, you gotta harass your paying customers with HEY, TAKE OFF THAT BANDS SHIRT OR YOURE OUTTA HERE!

Thats the reason Richie's shows are going to be better. Back in the day, everyones memories were with August Burns Red and The Number Twelve when he booked them, not Forever the fallen and other shitty local rockos bands.

Rockos is the only venue that has a bad rep for bands. You dont hear of a ground zero band or a legion band, just rockos bands, which are shitty 12 year olds like Enemy and FTF who play chugs and predictable parts. NOT SONGS, PARTS!

There is a reason I rarely go to shows, and its not cuz Im not allowed or cuz Im a spoiled brat. Anyone who's ever had to pay bills or support a family knows the sacrifices you have to make. I make mine on shows. I have to help my family out, I have to save for a car before the one I drive dies, I have things that come first. If I have enough money, Id rather see 5 bands I know the members of and hang with in a dank, acrid smoke-filled basement that looks like something out of an Al Quada execution video than see 10 bands for nearly 3 days food, with shitty people, shitty bands, shitty service, and a bunch of gang members as security.

Ive become so jaded to everything. I dont judge a band based on how many brutal breakdowns they have, I judge based on musical talent, the lyrics, the guitar, the drums, EVERYTHING. And if I dont like em, I dont heckle them, I dont tell them they suck, I say Good Job and help them move shit, I hang with em. I dont expect people to like the demos I played with, but goddamn was I surprised when Highfire Skyline said it was sweet, and to def play shows with my buds in HiveSmasher if I got full shit done. For those that dont know, highfire skyline is a pop punk band, hivesmasher is grind/metal. It doesnt have to be about genres. Id rather see multiple bands of different genres than all the same band with the same faggy haircuts and different chugs night after night.

This isnt about makign money, selling tickets, etc. Its about a concert company acting like a bunch of fucking kids, telling people theyre fucking stupid for what they believe, putting up childish pages on facebook, and acting like tough guys. Everyone knows Im a huge pussy and Im not afraid to admit it. So the tough guy thing doesnt work on me. Bands respect is earned, not bought. You can play all the shows in the world and get your fucking money after saying you dont need it cuz you have god on your side, and that STILL wont make you a good band.

If you wanna know why I dont go to shows, heres some snaps.

Mack makes some sense of things.

Aaron hits the nail on the head.

Professionalism part 1

Sean makes a point, Im thirsty worker responds. Very "christian" of FTF.

Im thirsty worker, from a christian band, dissing a christian place? (BTW, Ive played ground zero several times, the people are very nice.)

Again, Sean admits that bands progressed, and yet Im thirsty workers continue to be kids.

Im thirsty staff being tough guys to a kid who has no intention of fighting.

Only for him since its his profile that he started the argument on.

Im thirsty workers proving only shows that cost money and have breakdowns at bars constitute as shows. (sarcasm)

Mack again, makes valid points.

Family joins the fight against kids speaking thier minds.

Too late for that.

Im pretty sure they and you did.

Puttin the blame on someone who doesnt control everyone like a hivemind.

Im thirsty worker and "christian" making fun of a 16 year old. Very christian-like.

Fuck the scene, fuck hardcore.

I know Ive made plenty of enemies with this, and I could care less. You want respect and to be taken seriously, you should stop acting like fucking kids with the facebook shit.

Oh, and before you go on spewing how I took screenshots of this whole thing and archived it on my computer, its to show everyone how fucking pathetic Im thirsty, the show scene, and the mindless "hardcore" drones are.

Valid points arent listened to, since everyone wants to have the biggest E peen by telling everyone theyre wrong for stating the truth. Truth hurts asshole.

Fuck hardcore, Ill stick to grind thanks. At least everyone gets along for the sake of it.

The World As We Know It

I honestly believe, and can finally admit openly, that I have become jaded to everything in this world.

I see corruption everywhere I go, I see hatred and unkindness, cruelty, greed, egos, selfishness.

Its sickening, yet I hold back the vomit and press onward each day, supressing every desire to continuously beat the shit out of people.

I have no problem telling people how it is. Being honest and true. Yet, again, because the world is this way, even though Im right, people will still defend themselves with invalid points and useless arguings.

Everyday I wake up and try to think positive. I try and say, hey, today is gonna be different, Im gonna do some good, and within 15 minutes of me getting up out of bed, my ass is already waiting for the day to be over.

Ive come a long way. Many of my good friends have seen me at my lowest, massively underweight, sick as a dog, and close to a complete mental and physical breakdown. And if it wasnt for these dicks stickin by me and telling me, shit sucks, but only you can make it better, Id be in the grave. I now have a very great job. Yes I bitch about it, but who doesnt bitch about thier job? I have amazing friends. I get to do exactly what I want, which, at the moment, is relax, play games, enjoy life.

But everyday Im constantly bombarded with news, talks, eavesdrops, etc of all the terrible things in this world. Previous owners of the animals I pet everyday beating and starving them, friends I know constantly arguing and at each others throats.

Im fucking sick of it.

Everyone who is reading this most likely knows a bit about me. Hopefully its what you know from me, not from one of my ex cunts. Everyone knows Im a nice guy, Im easy to get along with, and Im always a fun dude. Im friends with everyone, even if they hate each other.

Well, Im sick of this shit. Im sick of all the fucking egos. Im sick of hard working people getting fucked because people with egos and think they should be ahead of everyone want money and glory for themselves. Last time I checked, you've only paid your dues when you get signed by a major label and have a cd in best buy or newbury comics.

Im fucking done being the nice fucking dude and trying to please everyone and make everything go alright, compromising to the point of me ending up losing out on everything. Fuck that.

Im a real human being who is just trying to earn my place in the world. I havent done so, so I dont expect special treatment. I dont expect shortcuts, taking the long way and doing things right is twice as rewarding.

I may be friends with you all, but Im a real person. Ive opened my eyes and unveiled the world for the shithole of a rock it really is. When you ask for honesty, I will be blunt and truthful. I wont beat around the bush to keep things together. This is real life, and sometimes YOU have to make compromises just as I do.

This is the world as we know it. This is me. Im honest and truthfully sorry to offend you all, but fuck yourself if you think youre better than someone. You're not. The only way you have more money and more influence is because of circumstance.

Get real faggot.