Well, since people keep asking me why Im recording with Chris instead of going to church and hanging with my family, I might as well post this.
I hate holidays. Any and all of them. They are a pointless marketing ploy. Theyre filled with greed and sadness.
Im recording and not celebrating easter because its like thanksgiving, you have to have something to appreciate and be thankful for. I have nothing to be thankful for. Im not in good health, Im always bitter, Im getting treated like shit all the fucking time at work, and I cant ever catch a desperately needed break, especially when Im on meds for this reason. I hate so many people and things, I hate dealing with these egotistical fucks I work with who know nothing about thier fucking job and who think theyre the god of the store, and I cant stand living in this world.
When I had sever depression in highschool, I used to have suicidal thoughts. Shit like, would it really fucking matter if I was dead? Other than the huge hole in my parents wallets for sticking my ass in the ground, what would fucking matter? Honestly, I thought about these things. I still do. I cant see much changing except half the world having one less name on thier fucking tongues to bitch about. One less person to clog up their minds and one less person to have do thier jobs.
I see christmas as useless. Its all greed and money. My parents always say itll get smaller this year. I tell them to get me a card, a shirt, some pants and socks. thats all I need. Anything I want, I will work hard for. Thats what we all do anyway isnt it?
As for religion, I have no idea. I dont even know anything anymore. I dont know what to believe. All the suffering I have to go through, just to go to the next level of shit, and yet once in a very long while, Im talking decades so far, theres something that happens that keeps me binded to my faith. I dont know what to believe or what I believe anymore.
All I know is, I hate holidays, Im bitter, jaded, and always angry, and I hate. I hate and hate and hate. Ive given up on loving cuz it just ends the same with me. Hatred.
I can only hope for a quick end, cuz I cant fucking stand being around these fucking useless people anymore. They make me fucking sick. I wish they would just fucking fade away. I cant stand dealing with these fucking kids and thier little whiny bullshit. In the end, everyone always sees, wow, reg had a point about this.
I know. Cuz I know people. I tend to think like them sometimes. Hard to believe I can be human sometimes, I know, but I dont just say things to hear myself speak.
No comments:
Post a Comment