/co/ Is Love

So, as per usual, I was browsing /co/ looking for some interesting discussions to lurk, cool new backgrounds, etc.

I came across a thread that had links. Right away, Im intrigued as to what I can get for free from the internet.

As I looked, links were to amazon.com. Didnt understand.

I scrolled quickly and glanced, noticing that they were apparently wish lists.

I grew puzzled.

Later on in the night, I saw the thread was still up, and had a bevvy of comments.

People who had made these wishlists, or came across them even, were buying some of the things for complete strangers online for christmas. With thier own money.

As I read through, and came across a couple other threads, people who made the wishlists were too poor/no family or friends/whatever reason to get gifts, and apparently, it was a yearly tradition on /co/ to give gifts to people. Some people were discussing that they got a confirmation that it was sent and that theyre very greatful to have someone think of them on christmas, even if its from someone in some far part of the world, others said that it didnt show as bought, but were greatful for the effort of trying to give instead of recieve.

This touched me. Never have I been so moved by something as random as a 4chan board and people being kind to each other in a harsh time for some. People randomly spending thier money for complete strangers out of the kindness of thier hearts to bring some joy and cheer to someone else who needs it more. If I had the finances, I would participate and help someone have a little joy in thier holiday, but it proved something to me.

Humanity may not be lost.

As much as a hateful, angry prick I am, I have a heart. And the fact that people can organize a yearly event and bring joy to those less fortunate, out of sheer random acts of kindness and caring, its almost unfathomable.

I guess theyre completely right. No matter what the opinions, tastes, etc.

/co/ is love.

Sick again

As usual, every year, I get sick on xmas. I woke up around 130 sweating and shivering like I was in the arctic, covered up in multitudes of layers, work up at 2 (or rather, got up since I didnt sleep at this point) and threw up water every hour til 8am, then in a semi-comatose state, passed out. Ive been asleep/in some sort of micro-nap or coma ish thing all day, feeling worse. Held down some penut butter, crackers, bread, water and pedealyte pops, and have a 3 hout shift tomorrow morning to impress a big wig at work. I dont wanna let my boss down, but I feel like death. We'll see what happens.

I can only hope to feel better and get ready for sundays shift.

So lousy.

Update

Poppin back in.

Temporarily giving up on love to be a good friend to some of mine that need it.

Gamin nonstop.

Working a metric fuckton.

Writing.

And oh yeah, being me :]

1 Long, Painful, Hard Fucking Year

Its been a whole year. 1 whole year. 365 days since you passed away, and not a single day goes by that it doesnt tear at me.

It hasnt been easy on me.

I may not have known you like many other people did, but that doesnt make it any easier to feel better. Someone so young and who had something to live for, a purpose, a calling, taken from everyone.

I am not someone who deals with certain things very well. Death and grief is one of them. I cant accept mortality, seeing the young taken in thier prime. Its too much for me to bear.

I have a job working with animals, Im so thankful for it, Im on track to being responsible and paying my own way through life slowly, Im making and have made some amazing friends everywhere, in music, art, college, work, conventions, gatherings, parties, everywhere. I couldnt be more fucking thankful.

But that didnt make today any easier.

While the world cant stop for a day just cuz a measly handful of people are grieving, I did. My entire body shut down. I slept most of the day, depsite the fact its my moms birthday, and I wanted to spend the day with her, having fun. I slept when I got home, I left to go see my best friend as she had a visitor with greyhounds, which was hard for both of us since a dog hadnt been in her house for almost 2 years, and then I came home and slept.

I didnt get to hang with my mom, I didnt get to have a fun day and enjoy it. I slept cuz I couldnt stand being awake. I couldnt. It was too hard for me to think that such a young and caring person was taken so quickly. Its wrong.

Thats why I can say Im a horrible person. I have to question God, why the fuck would someone so caring and young be needed? What part of His plan is that, for a young man to be pulled from this world without reason?

Ive become so jaded.

Im not a nice person, though I always try to be. I have a sick and twisted mind, and a heart filled with hate. I dont have anything to live for. Im not going to be some famous and life changing musician, Im not gonna be a huge genre defining artist, I dont have the patience to go back to college, which is why I dropped out in the first place, and be a teacher, and I wont be anything special. Yet he was taken, not me. He had the skills, the knowledge, the motivation to do something good and beneficial for people.

And hes gone. And Im still here. And there isnt a single thing right about it.

I have always tried to do my best at everything I do, and have always tried to be helpful, but Ive seen and been through a lot, definately not as much as most of my friends, but I know enough to be a negative, spiteful, ruthless motherfucker. I have a lot of problems, mostly in my head, and I dont think there will ever be a day when I can overcome those problems, but as long as my friends can understand that everything is hard for me, every day is a struggle to get through sane and happy, and that every second is a fucking hell that I bear and live through, just to help other people and make thier lives better, then I can die happy.

Everyone, thank you. Chris, matt, geoff, ken, jess, robyn, ed, sami, krystina, tara, erin, amanda, jen, lauren, aaron, lauren, tim, steve, brian, nate, kittie, ryan, josh, sean, and everyone else who Im too lazy to type, literally everyone, thank you.

I may be an annoying, hopeless, insane piece of shit, but Im glad you all can understand and have the patience to put up with me on a daily basis.

Im sorry I couldnt be a better friend Teddy.

Im sorry I couldnt be a better son mom.

RIP.

Happy Birthday.

-Reg