Nope.
It turns out that polyp I had a while back was Pre-Cancerous.
They said it means I could have Colorectal Cancer, or Crohn's Disease.
For the medically retarded, Crohns sucks, but the cancer can kill me between 3 months and 5 years, at best.
If it is cancer, it has a 50/50 chance of being still undeveloped and removed. Otherwise, I have a death sentence. Its not curable, and treatment will debilitate, possibly cripple me.
Pretty much Im fucked 6 ways to sunday.
I asked if I could reschedule my colonoscopy to ASAP so I can know if Im fighting a losing battle, but they cant reschedule it.
So now I fucking sit here, as time ticks away slowly, waiting to see if Im going to be counting down til I get buried.
If you never have to go through this, thank whoever you pray to that you never will. The cancer is supposed to be for people in at least their 50s. Im 22. This is fucked.
Its not the least bit comforting that I have good doctors when this can pretty much end my life in a matter of months. There is nothing satisfying knowing that I might die very soon.
There is no solace, no peace.
As optimistic as Im trying to be, I know there is no hope for me.
Im Reg fucking Edo, I have the worst luck on earth, and I may be dead before the year is through.
God help me.
Life hasnt been good. Ive been wondering why my stomach hurts, and why my reflux meds werent working as well.
I quit my fucking job thinking it was the stress that was making me sick, but this might be why. I left hanging with good friends and wonderful animals, something I love, and now I come to find out it may not matter about finding another job.
Im scared. My family and friends all tell me to keep my head up and be vigilant, take it one day at a time, but now that I know this might be deadly, its hard to keep myself optimistic.
I have no idea what to do. All I can do is sit, wait, and deal with these pains until next week.
I dont want to die.
